halloflamer | POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

dnt wnt 2 drnk
jst hang

[Is that really so much to ask?]

Edited 2017-10-22 03:11 (UTC)

Oh, well 'at's fine.

[...]

Um. Now? [Let's be real, Blue would drop everything if Red needed him, but...]

no
ur drnk

[He realizes how accusatory that sounds about a second later.]

@ a prty
its k

Well, yeah. [Blue pauses for a moment, speaking slowly- probably a mix of confusion and alcohol.] What else'd you do at a party?

[He half-laughs, like he's playing it off as a joke.]

u go 2 lots of prtys l8ly

[Blue frowns to himself- he's found someplace out of the way to sit and chat. Well, leave messages- wasn't exactly a chat when it was one-sided.]

Yeah, I guess so. Well, there's not much else to do, not like we can train much or find new opponents or even go out and catch anything.

I'm kinda bored.

[He huffs a little to himself. What, was Red mad he was being left out, or something?]

we can fnd smth 2 do
smth else

Maybe. Like what?

[Red was usually the one that made things exciting, but... Only if they could compete, or something.]

[They weren't little kids playing games in the yard, anymore.]

idk

[The lack of faith stabs at him a little. They'd never needed to get drunk to hang out before. They're older now, sure, and this world isn't anything like their own, but that doesn't mean that they can't just enjoy their time together sober, does it?

[It occurs to Red that Blue probably isn't partying just because he has nothing better to do. And that stabs even worse.]

r u ok?

[Blue lets out a ragged sigh, slightly frustrated. Red could never just out and say anything- he always just had to guess what he was trying to say.]

[If he ever said it in the first place. Blue scowls at the question that follows.]

'm fine. [Obviously not. But Red knew that already- even if he didn't want to draw attention to what had happened that night. Why was he even asking?] What's with you? Y'that mad I didn't tell you 'bout this party?

not mad
im wrrd abt u

[Blue stares at his comm for a long time, through the fog of alcohol and the confusion and panic and feelings that message brought on.]

[Worried... worried? Well, what did Red expect? Here they were, trapped in this dangerous world without any of the familiarities they'd built their lives around, disconnected from everything that had made them who they were--]

[How was Blue supposed to react, exactly? Hole himself up in his room and never leave? Now he was worried?]

--Y'never worried before. [He mutters quietly into the knees he's bent up to his face.]

wut do u mean

[He's always worried about Blue. Even when he couldn't-- didn't say so. But that can't be what Blue's talking about now...

[Right?]

...

Forget it. [Blue mumbles- he sounds tired, half-there, like the fog of the alcohol is finally bogging him down. His head was already spinning earlier and it’s only worse now that the night has dragged on.]

[Maybe he should just go home- except now he wants to be anywhere but where Red can see him like this.] ‘ll be back later, don’t wait up for me or nothin’.

[That response puts a deeper pit in Red's stomach than any sort of verbal confirmation would have.]

i always wrrd abt u

[But, hey. It's not exactly Blue's fault for doubting it, huh? So why is Red gritting his teeth?]

thts not fair

[Blue was ready to let it go, to just let that be his slip that he let out without meaning to and reel back in so he didn’t make another mistake—]

[Too bad he can’t shut himself up.]

Not enough to ever bother talking to me all that time! [It comes out angry and half-choked, and he’s pretty sure his eyes are welling up a little, not that Red can see. But of course he regrets saying it, like he regrets ever thinking or talking about those years. It would be better if they had just never spoken again, just gone their seperate ways so Red could be happy with a new life away from Blue in some other region. Blue should have been the one to disappear—]

[He realizes he’s panting hard into his comm, probably between the anger and the holding back the emotions trying to spill out, and he suddenly catches his breath, holds it, and stumbles up. He has to find Arcanine. He’s gotta go... somewhere. Somewhere with a beach.]

[There it is. After all this time, Blue still can't forgive him. And should he really be surprised? His anger dissipates quickly at the sound of Blue's panting on the other end of the communicator. But what is he supposed to say, exactly? They've been over this more than once. They'd "moved on", or so Red had thought. And yet, here he is, listening to what he's sure are tears through his communicator, a painful knot twisting in his stomach.

[He doesn't know what to say and in that moment he hates himself for it. He hates himself for a lot of reasons. He hates himself more than Blue ever could.

["im srry"-he types it out, deletes it - what does it matter if he's sorry? He's said it before. Clearly it's a weak response.

[There are a few more trashed lines - typing bubbles popping up on Blue's screen that disappear, start up again, disappear. But eventually, they stop altogether. Red sets his communicator on the table and curls up in a ball on the couch. More radio silence. That's just what Blue needs. But he simply can't find the words.]

[Blue sees all the aborted starts and stops and the radio silence and he already knew, by the time the words left his mouth and the panic set in, that he’d screwed up. He doesn’t need to see Red going catatonic, doesn’t need to see the attempts to communicate and the eventual breakdown of it to know. He knows Red, and he knows himself, the caustic pain he’s capable of inflicting.]

[He should just disappear.]

[He should, but he can’t leave him alone again. He knows what Red does to himself, how he shuts himself off from people when he’s in pain, and he promised he would never leave him to be alone like that ever again. They were supposed to be friends again, and friends never abandoned one another. Except when they had.]

[Blue shouts for Arcanine to return, and the enormous dog perks up wherever he is in the party and bounds through the crowd with his enormous bulk to make way for him (he tries to bark ‘excuse me’ but no one understands him; he growls a grumble and lets it be). Arcanine has seen it all, and he knows when he finds Blue to scoop him up onto his back and ride back home. He remembers by now how to get to the Porters, after taking his trainer home so many times when he drowns his sorrows.]

[When they do get back to De Chima, Blue rolls with a groan off Arcanine’s back before they get to their house, in front of Red’s, and Arcanine whines and tries to tug him along home so he doesn’t do something stupid. But Blue is stubborn and on a mission. He can’t screw this up again. He can’t let Red leave him again. Don’t leave—]

[BANG BANG BANG Blue knocks on the door, then remembers the back door that’s always open where Red’s Pokémon are. He stumbles through the backyard, Arcanine plodding after and whining to the others the situation- they’re at it again, boys- and Blue nearly falls through the door as he swings it open and clutches onto the living room doorframe to find Red curled up on the couch]

[His mouth opens, but for once, he can’t find the words to come out. He just stares, panting and heart racing, eyes red and pleading.]

Edited 2017-10-22 21:51 (UTC)

[The banging is enough to jolt Red upright, but it takes him a minute to process them which leaves him sitting dumbly on the couch. Before he can properly react, there's someone stumbling drunkenly through his backdoor - Blue.

[He turns to face him, fists clenching over the couch as the tightness in his chest increases. He looks frozen, like something is building up in him and trying to explode. He doesn't look angry or anything - a little shocked, a little confused, but there's something else too. He looks a little scared, almost, or at least nervous.

[And then, a moment later, it's frustration. He can see the pleading in Blue's eyes, his silent, open mouth - he can't find the words either. Now would be a really good time for Red to start talking, huh? He scolds himself for his silence now, cheeks turning pink with what could be either embarrassment or frustration. His own mouth falls open, but even as it stammers, no sound comes out.]

[They're both standing there in gasping silence, staring back at one another, and there's a failure in communication between them that's been present for years, irreparable. Ever since the day Blue told Red to go home, ever since Blue shoved Red out of the way and took Eevee's ball, ever since Red beat him the first time, and the second time, and the times again and again after that, ever since the day Blue realized the real reason why he worked so hard to stay ahead of Red- and why he never really was. Neither of them can say it, afraid of the consequences- this delicate balance they'd taped together in desperation the past couple of years.]

[It was only the appearance of things being settled. They'd "talked" over it, sure- Blue had. He had made his apologies for the cruel remarks, the childish competitions, let slip some of the regret, but it had all been careful and withheld, the things he felt safe in regretting. They'd never really talked about the hurt, about home. They'd left Kanto and they didn't look back.]

[Now they were in a pressure cooker, this place where people hurt and killed without a second thought, where anyone could disappear at any time and leave their friends alone. Red could be gone in a moment and Blue would never-- he'd never get to--]

[Blue was the first to run ahead, always, and this is no exception. It's more like stumbling, though, fairly throwing himself across the room and collapsing over Red, arms propped on the back and side of the couch. He can see his face clearly like this, despite how he always tried to hide his thoughts and feelings under that stupid hat. Always trying to keep everyone out. Always keeping Blue out. He just wanted to be let back in. The way things were, all those years ago. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry. Why do you still keep me out?]

[His weight shifts onto the couch, one knee beside Red, and he can't quite help how awkward it is with the lack of motor functions he has right now, but one shaky hand releases from its grip on the couch and cups Red's cheek, then the other as he stares into eyes he's known all his life, full of all the pain he's caused them, and his weight gives out as he gracelessly mashes his face against Red's, lips to sloppy lips.]

[It wasn't the first kiss Blue had always dreamed of, soft and purposeful and tender, but it was full of all the feelings he couldn't find the courage to give breath to, all these years.]

[He still couldn't, but when his breath runs out and he breaks away from Red, gasping unevenly, heart racing in his chest from panic and excitement, he can only choke out one truth in desperation.]

Don't go.

[It happens so quickly that Red barely has time to react once Blue has pulled away - in fact, Red isn't entirely sure that--

[No. No, that definitely just happened. Red can still feel the moisture from Blue's mouth on his lips. And all of a sudden his heart is positively pounding. And you thought he was at a loss for words before.

[But, as it turns out, miraculously, Red isn't. Not for long, anyway. Blue's desperate words register in his ears and, with only the briefest pause, Red takes Blue's face in his hands and shakes his head. The words leave his mouth before he feels himself talking:]

I won't. I'm not.

[And then he's pressing his forehead against Blue's, letting out a heavy breath. His hand goes to the back of the other man's head, scratches softly there and he shakes his head again, nose just barely brushing past Blue's while he does so.]

It's okay. I won't.

[Blue himself isn't positive that everything that's happened isn't something he's dreaming, passed out drunk in the corner of that party somewhere or along the road or on Arcanine's back, whatever of this night has been real- but Red is here and warm and he feels real, even if he isn't. So maybe this is just someone's crazy powers making him hallucinate, but it was nice all the same. He always dreamed of Red.]

[When Red speaks, Blue's ears always catch it, rare and precious as his voice was. It's impossible for him to miss the reassurance even with his head spinning, even with his eyes clouded up and stinging with tears, so that when Red's hands are on his hot cheeks he nods dumbly, just lets it happen even if the promise sounds impossible, and lets the tears fall. Red was here. Red said he would be here. Red never broke his promises.]

[It's amazing that Blue has made it this far, frankly, running on fumes as he was, and his body finally slumps against Red's with a quiet groan as the adrenaline peaks. His head was spinning, and yet he didn't want to let go of this dream just yet. He wanted to kiss Red again. He wanted to say everything there was to say, ten or twenty years of it, but he thought that if he spoke again he'd probably throw up. So he buries his face against Red's shoulder and neck instead, and moans again, and finally lets go.]

[Watching Blue's feeble nod, his eyes dripping with tears, Red feels something in his own throat catch, but his eyes are full of fondness. He can't help it. The honesty of the moment is so staggering, he can't help but curl against him, running a gentle hand down the other man's back. Blue could let go - Red isn't going to.

[Although, he should probably get the other man to bed. He takes a moment to bury his face in Blue's spiky mess of hair, then pulls him gently up off of the couch and guides the man's arm around his shoulders so that he can drag him off to the bedroom.

[He's done it a thousand times, but he takes extra care this time. The moment feels so fragile, like any sudden movement might break it. So he very gently lies the man down and gets his shoes off, turns him on his side and then crawls in behind him. He's almost afraid to touch him, like that might break things too, but eventually he lets an arm snake around Blue - again, he's done it a thousand times before. Why should now be such a big deal?

[He doesn't want to let go either. Maybe that's what would break it.]

[The movement feels like a dream, too, the hand over his back, the warmth of breath in his hair, and then Red's arm secure and strong lifting him up and guiding him to his feet, legs like noodles, to glide him off to bed. He's not entirely sure how they got there, only that now he's abruptly horizontal and his head tilts with the world, feels himself sinking into the mattress and pillows, and the warmth close against his back as another body climbs in behind him. He's too warm and comfortable to question it, now, the security of Red's arm drawn around him again and keeping him close.]

[When Blue comes to again it's with a new sense of consciousness, less dream-like than the one he drifted off with but more unsure, brain trying to sequence events and coming up short. Instead, all it does is send his eyes spinning again in the morning sunlight, and he's done this a hundred times. He knows what to do.]

[He has to disengage Red's arm reluctantly, giving it a moment's pause as memories from the night filter in, but it only makes the spinning worse and so he focuses on just moving, moving, letting his feet stumble him where he had to go and collapse to his knees, just enough time to empty his regrets into the toiletbowl.]

[Maybe this morning he'd have more than usual.]

[At first, when Red wakes up to an empty bed, he feels anxiety creep up on him. Like maybe last night really had been a dream. But, then he hears Blue using Gastro Acid in the bathroom and the relief that washes over him is almost comical, considering.

[Something else he's done a hundred times, he gets up out of bed and joins Blue in the bathroom, crouching down and laying a warm hand on his back. This morning, the sympathy in his expression is one hundred percent genuine.]

POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

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