halloflamer | POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

[That response puts a deeper pit in Red's stomach than any sort of verbal confirmation would have.]

i always wrrd abt u

[But, hey. It's not exactly Blue's fault for doubting it, huh? So why is Red gritting his teeth?]

thts not fair

[Blue was ready to let it go, to just let that be his slip that he let out without meaning to and reel back in so he didn’t make another mistake—]

[Too bad he can’t shut himself up.]

Not enough to ever bother talking to me all that time! [It comes out angry and half-choked, and he’s pretty sure his eyes are welling up a little, not that Red can see. But of course he regrets saying it, like he regrets ever thinking or talking about those years. It would be better if they had just never spoken again, just gone their seperate ways so Red could be happy with a new life away from Blue in some other region. Blue should have been the one to disappear—]

[He realizes he’s panting hard into his comm, probably between the anger and the holding back the emotions trying to spill out, and he suddenly catches his breath, holds it, and stumbles up. He has to find Arcanine. He’s gotta go... somewhere. Somewhere with a beach.]

[There it is. After all this time, Blue still can't forgive him. And should he really be surprised? His anger dissipates quickly at the sound of Blue's panting on the other end of the communicator. But what is he supposed to say, exactly? They've been over this more than once. They'd "moved on", or so Red had thought. And yet, here he is, listening to what he's sure are tears through his communicator, a painful knot twisting in his stomach.

[He doesn't know what to say and in that moment he hates himself for it. He hates himself for a lot of reasons. He hates himself more than Blue ever could.

["im srry"-he types it out, deletes it - what does it matter if he's sorry? He's said it before. Clearly it's a weak response.

[There are a few more trashed lines - typing bubbles popping up on Blue's screen that disappear, start up again, disappear. But eventually, they stop altogether. Red sets his communicator on the table and curls up in a ball on the couch. More radio silence. That's just what Blue needs. But he simply can't find the words.]

[Blue sees all the aborted starts and stops and the radio silence and he already knew, by the time the words left his mouth and the panic set in, that he’d screwed up. He doesn’t need to see Red going catatonic, doesn’t need to see the attempts to communicate and the eventual breakdown of it to know. He knows Red, and he knows himself, the caustic pain he’s capable of inflicting.]

[He should just disappear.]

[He should, but he can’t leave him alone again. He knows what Red does to himself, how he shuts himself off from people when he’s in pain, and he promised he would never leave him to be alone like that ever again. They were supposed to be friends again, and friends never abandoned one another. Except when they had.]

[Blue shouts for Arcanine to return, and the enormous dog perks up wherever he is in the party and bounds through the crowd with his enormous bulk to make way for him (he tries to bark ‘excuse me’ but no one understands him; he growls a grumble and lets it be). Arcanine has seen it all, and he knows when he finds Blue to scoop him up onto his back and ride back home. He remembers by now how to get to the Porters, after taking his trainer home so many times when he drowns his sorrows.]

[When they do get back to De Chima, Blue rolls with a groan off Arcanine’s back before they get to their house, in front of Red’s, and Arcanine whines and tries to tug him along home so he doesn’t do something stupid. But Blue is stubborn and on a mission. He can’t screw this up again. He can’t let Red leave him again. Don’t leave—]

[BANG BANG BANG Blue knocks on the door, then remembers the back door that’s always open where Red’s Pokémon are. He stumbles through the backyard, Arcanine plodding after and whining to the others the situation- they’re at it again, boys- and Blue nearly falls through the door as he swings it open and clutches onto the living room doorframe to find Red curled up on the couch]

[His mouth opens, but for once, he can’t find the words to come out. He just stares, panting and heart racing, eyes red and pleading.]

Edited 2017-10-22 21:51 (UTC)

[The banging is enough to jolt Red upright, but it takes him a minute to process them which leaves him sitting dumbly on the couch. Before he can properly react, there's someone stumbling drunkenly through his backdoor - Blue.

[He turns to face him, fists clenching over the couch as the tightness in his chest increases. He looks frozen, like something is building up in him and trying to explode. He doesn't look angry or anything - a little shocked, a little confused, but there's something else too. He looks a little scared, almost, or at least nervous.

[And then, a moment later, it's frustration. He can see the pleading in Blue's eyes, his silent, open mouth - he can't find the words either. Now would be a really good time for Red to start talking, huh? He scolds himself for his silence now, cheeks turning pink with what could be either embarrassment or frustration. His own mouth falls open, but even as it stammers, no sound comes out.]

[They're both standing there in gasping silence, staring back at one another, and there's a failure in communication between them that's been present for years, irreparable. Ever since the day Blue told Red to go home, ever since Blue shoved Red out of the way and took Eevee's ball, ever since Red beat him the first time, and the second time, and the times again and again after that, ever since the day Blue realized the real reason why he worked so hard to stay ahead of Red- and why he never really was. Neither of them can say it, afraid of the consequences- this delicate balance they'd taped together in desperation the past couple of years.]

[It was only the appearance of things being settled. They'd "talked" over it, sure- Blue had. He had made his apologies for the cruel remarks, the childish competitions, let slip some of the regret, but it had all been careful and withheld, the things he felt safe in regretting. They'd never really talked about the hurt, about home. They'd left Kanto and they didn't look back.]

[Now they were in a pressure cooker, this place where people hurt and killed without a second thought, where anyone could disappear at any time and leave their friends alone. Red could be gone in a moment and Blue would never-- he'd never get to--]

[Blue was the first to run ahead, always, and this is no exception. It's more like stumbling, though, fairly throwing himself across the room and collapsing over Red, arms propped on the back and side of the couch. He can see his face clearly like this, despite how he always tried to hide his thoughts and feelings under that stupid hat. Always trying to keep everyone out. Always keeping Blue out. He just wanted to be let back in. The way things were, all those years ago. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry. Why do you still keep me out?]

[His weight shifts onto the couch, one knee beside Red, and he can't quite help how awkward it is with the lack of motor functions he has right now, but one shaky hand releases from its grip on the couch and cups Red's cheek, then the other as he stares into eyes he's known all his life, full of all the pain he's caused them, and his weight gives out as he gracelessly mashes his face against Red's, lips to sloppy lips.]

[It wasn't the first kiss Blue had always dreamed of, soft and purposeful and tender, but it was full of all the feelings he couldn't find the courage to give breath to, all these years.]

[He still couldn't, but when his breath runs out and he breaks away from Red, gasping unevenly, heart racing in his chest from panic and excitement, he can only choke out one truth in desperation.]

Don't go.

[It happens so quickly that Red barely has time to react once Blue has pulled away - in fact, Red isn't entirely sure that--

[No. No, that definitely just happened. Red can still feel the moisture from Blue's mouth on his lips. And all of a sudden his heart is positively pounding. And you thought he was at a loss for words before.

[But, as it turns out, miraculously, Red isn't. Not for long, anyway. Blue's desperate words register in his ears and, with only the briefest pause, Red takes Blue's face in his hands and shakes his head. The words leave his mouth before he feels himself talking:]

I won't. I'm not.

[And then he's pressing his forehead against Blue's, letting out a heavy breath. His hand goes to the back of the other man's head, scratches softly there and he shakes his head again, nose just barely brushing past Blue's while he does so.]

It's okay. I won't.

[Blue himself isn't positive that everything that's happened isn't something he's dreaming, passed out drunk in the corner of that party somewhere or along the road or on Arcanine's back, whatever of this night has been real- but Red is here and warm and he feels real, even if he isn't. So maybe this is just someone's crazy powers making him hallucinate, but it was nice all the same. He always dreamed of Red.]

[When Red speaks, Blue's ears always catch it, rare and precious as his voice was. It's impossible for him to miss the reassurance even with his head spinning, even with his eyes clouded up and stinging with tears, so that when Red's hands are on his hot cheeks he nods dumbly, just lets it happen even if the promise sounds impossible, and lets the tears fall. Red was here. Red said he would be here. Red never broke his promises.]

[It's amazing that Blue has made it this far, frankly, running on fumes as he was, and his body finally slumps against Red's with a quiet groan as the adrenaline peaks. His head was spinning, and yet he didn't want to let go of this dream just yet. He wanted to kiss Red again. He wanted to say everything there was to say, ten or twenty years of it, but he thought that if he spoke again he'd probably throw up. So he buries his face against Red's shoulder and neck instead, and moans again, and finally lets go.]

[Watching Blue's feeble nod, his eyes dripping with tears, Red feels something in his own throat catch, but his eyes are full of fondness. He can't help it. The honesty of the moment is so staggering, he can't help but curl against him, running a gentle hand down the other man's back. Blue could let go - Red isn't going to.

[Although, he should probably get the other man to bed. He takes a moment to bury his face in Blue's spiky mess of hair, then pulls him gently up off of the couch and guides the man's arm around his shoulders so that he can drag him off to the bedroom.

[He's done it a thousand times, but he takes extra care this time. The moment feels so fragile, like any sudden movement might break it. So he very gently lies the man down and gets his shoes off, turns him on his side and then crawls in behind him. He's almost afraid to touch him, like that might break things too, but eventually he lets an arm snake around Blue - again, he's done it a thousand times before. Why should now be such a big deal?

[He doesn't want to let go either. Maybe that's what would break it.]

[The movement feels like a dream, too, the hand over his back, the warmth of breath in his hair, and then Red's arm secure and strong lifting him up and guiding him to his feet, legs like noodles, to glide him off to bed. He's not entirely sure how they got there, only that now he's abruptly horizontal and his head tilts with the world, feels himself sinking into the mattress and pillows, and the warmth close against his back as another body climbs in behind him. He's too warm and comfortable to question it, now, the security of Red's arm drawn around him again and keeping him close.]

[When Blue comes to again it's with a new sense of consciousness, less dream-like than the one he drifted off with but more unsure, brain trying to sequence events and coming up short. Instead, all it does is send his eyes spinning again in the morning sunlight, and he's done this a hundred times. He knows what to do.]

[He has to disengage Red's arm reluctantly, giving it a moment's pause as memories from the night filter in, but it only makes the spinning worse and so he focuses on just moving, moving, letting his feet stumble him where he had to go and collapse to his knees, just enough time to empty his regrets into the toiletbowl.]

[Maybe this morning he'd have more than usual.]

[At first, when Red wakes up to an empty bed, he feels anxiety creep up on him. Like maybe last night really had been a dream. But, then he hears Blue using Gastro Acid in the bathroom and the relief that washes over him is almost comical, considering.

[Something else he's done a hundred times, he gets up out of bed and joins Blue in the bathroom, crouching down and laying a warm hand on his back. This morning, the sympathy in his expression is one hundred percent genuine.]

[Among everything else that’s happened it’s the same ol’, same ol’. Blue waits until he stops feeling it coming, heaving breaths, and then grabs for a piece of toilet paper to wipe up with, lets it fall into the toilet too. Reaches up to flush.]

[He turns his head, then, cheek resting weakly on the toilet seat, and stares blearily at Red. There’s something withheld in his eyes, small and quiet and unsure- the Blue that Red knew as a child, the meek and genuine Blue with all the bravado stripped away, and he can’t quite meet Red’s eyes as everything sets in.]

Water? [He mumbles weakly, still using the porcelain as a pillow, not entirely ready yet to commit to being done with it and handling what came next.]

[Red nods, rests a gentle hand on Blue's head for a moment before standing up and disappearing from the room to get get a glass of water. He returns with that and aspirin, crouching down again to hand it to the man, and then the hand is back in his hair, running lightly through it. Again, this is nothing too out of the ordinary - of course Red would always be concerned with making Blue feel comfortable, but this morning, the urge to have some form of contact with him is like a pull from a Magnemite. And it's not like Blue is pulling away either...

[Maybe it wasn't just a dream? Red's head circles around that thought a thousand times, making his stomach flip with either anxious nausea or Butterfrees - maybe both.]

[Blue takes the water wordlessly and sips, swishes around for a moment, then cranes his neck and spits it into the toilet. Sips, swishes, gurgles, spits again. Repeat. He glances down at the glass, apparently decides that’s enough, and sets it gingerly down on the tile floor beside them.]

[He twists and reaches for Red then, fingers lacing into the mess of hair under his cap at the back of his head, and pulls himself close to kiss him the way he meant to last night, soft and deep and slow, breathing in slow the scent of him, comforting and familiar. His other hand comes up, grips onto Red’s shoulder, then cups his face.]

[Which is all really romantic and sweet until he suddenly makes a sound against Red’s mouth, shoves him away, and throws himself back over the toilet. Splosh.]

[Be glad your boy has a good intuition for when he’s gotta do business, Red.]

...!

[Okay, so last night wasn't a dream, but that doesn't make the second kiss any less shocking. Was Blue still drunk? It wouldn't be the first time, but considering the amount of puking he's doing--

[Speaking of which, Red's body is just about to relax into the kiss when Blue moves away again, leaving Red deflating by his side with a small sigh - a small...dreamy sigh? That wasn't the sound he had intended.

[He clears his throat a bit, still crouching by Blue's side, but looking a little unsure of what to do with himself now - needless to say, his cheeks are redder than his hat right now.]

You okay?

[Give him a second, Red. He finishes up again after a few moments of gagging and coughing, spitting out the last of it and sniffling.] Nn-hn. [He grumbles out vaguely, reaching around for the toilet paper and ripping off a wad to wipe his mouth and blow his nose, then grabbing the glass of water again. Chug, gargle, rinse, repeat. Flush.]

[When he's finally through, he grabs for the aspirin too and pops it, gulping the water down this time and leaving the glass empty on the counter overhead, then heaving a heavy sigh as he sinks his back down against the toilet bowl. He draws a knee up to himself, resting his chin, and not-quite looks at Red, then looks away again.]

[He wishes Red would say something, but that's always a pipe dream.] Gonna make me do all the work as usual, huh? 'at's fine, I'm obviously the better kisser. [He finally says to break the silence, cracking a plastered-on grin at Red. Despite the feeble return to his bravado, there's a sheepish quality to it, the genuine fluster peeking through.]

[There's a few moments where Red's just standing there, the blush in his cheeks deepening while he blinks dumbly down at Blue. Then, all at once, the biggest grin that Blue has probably ever seen breaks out on Red's face and he laughs out loud - just once, but the sound it makes can only be described as joyful.

[Leaping Lillipups, this really is happening.

[Red drops down onto his knees then, still smiling while he inches closer to Blue, pressing their foreheads together again, just like he had last night, and he nods weakly.]

I like it...

[Blue is filled with a kind of terrifyingly complete affection at the way Red smiles and laughs just then, so that when he drops in front of Blue and crawls close, he's a bit too dumbstruck to do anything.]

[It takes him a moment, Red's forehead already pressing to his and his words whispered against him, but he wraps his arms over Red's shoulders and pulls him close, and he's not inclined to let go anytime soon as their lips meet again.] Heh, me too.

[(A few moments later, he gives a slight and brief frown of annoyance as the brim of Red's cap digs and bumps into him while they're trying to kiss, and eventually butts it upward with his forehead before latching lips again.)]

[For perhaps the first time in their 20+ years of friendship, Red doesn't flinch when his hat his knocked askew - he's far too distracted by the pair of lips moving against his. Blue's lips. How many times had he pictured getting to taste them like this?

[Truthfully, he hadn't let such a thought cross his mind since he was fourteen years old. When they'd finally rekindled things, agreed to be friends, Red had put the thought to rest completely. He would take friends. Friends he could do. Even if that meant killing a dream that he'd had for as long as he could remember - a dream that had nothing to do with Pokémon.

[Now, sitting on the floor of his bathroom, the vague stench of puke still lingering on Blue's breath-- Arceus, Red couldn't even make this into a "dream" if he tried to. It's all too real, too Blue, too powerful to write off. He can't even waste a moment doubting it - it envelopes him like a Swadloon. Before he knows it, he's breaking away breathless, laughing, gripping Blue's shoulders with trembling hands.]

Hi...

[Hi? He can't think of anything else to say. And yet, for once, he feels like he wants to at least say something. He pulls away, sees Blue's face there in front of him, feels his heartbeat race like he's seeing it for the very first time, and what else can he say?

[He laughs at himself, buries his face in the crook of Blue's neck and lets his arms slink around him.]

[Blue on the other hand has accepted this all as real desperately from the moment Red promised, last night, not to go again. Maybe that wasn’t exactly the most clear of intents though, so after a few more moments of slow kissing, he pulls back again.]

[He can’t help but huff a laugh at Red’s awkward greeting, but they’re both grinning brighter than anything, and it’s not mocking. He just loves everything about Red, his failure for words included.]

Hey, Red... go out with me. [He says, grinning but serious, then presses his lips together in anticipation. He figured by now that he wasn’t about to be rejected, but... there was always the self doubt. Always.]

[Red's eyes flutter closed again at the kiss and he melts into it - it's almost enough to make him forget Blue's question (or, demand?), but once they pull away it registers and Red can feel his heart pounding in his chest.

[He opens his mouth, looks as though he's stammering despite the silence, but then a smile breaks out on his face again and he nods - quickly, over and over and over again.]

Okay.

Yes.

[If Blue wasn't already, he's positively radiating with happiness now, biting his lip in a sheepish attempt to fight the huge grin that wants to break out on his face. But to hell with it, he lets it anyway.]

[He takes Red's face in both hands and pulls him forward into a kiss again, unable to stop smiling into it even then, and he can feel his heart racing through his shivered breaths and their lips.]

[Red was his boyfriend, he could say that now. How unreal.]

POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

no subject

no subject

no subject

action;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject