halloflamer | POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

[archie re-release crobat, who whaps him upside the head with a wing for returning him on landing.]

Crobat! [it scowls, clearly pressed. archie shrugs, then shifts away from eggy so it can go play with its friend.] Crooo...

...I forgot what I even started talking to you about originally. Why am I here again?

[haha sleep deprived memory shitness.]

Eeeggg! [Exeggutor greets his bat friend happily and toddles over to the berry patch to show off his newest crop.]

[Blue, meanwhile, makes a face at Archie that could possibly be construed as concern, but don't bet on it.] ...Go home and go to sleep, old man.

[Then he nervously glances in the direction of Red's house, one yard away, and glances back.] ...Well, I was gonna ask you somethin' before but you should probably just sleep. You don't gotta worry about it.

[he blows a raspberry.]

Pssh, it's only been like two days. I can do four easy.

[no that's a lie he suffers badly.]

Hit me.

[Blue gives Archie a queasy look, but--] Yeah alright. [He's not going to argue this anymore.]

[Anyway]

[He glances away, face turning progressively redder as his question drags on, reaching to scratch the back of his head, and looking anywhere but at Archie:]

Um... what d'you do if..

You're not sure... if it's gonna...

fit.................?

[for a moment he laughs, but only because he figures blue would be a black hole by now and also red being hung is kinda funny?]

Alright, shit. You ain't never played with toys? C'mon. I ain't believin' that.

[Blue's head whips around, shooting Archie the dirtiest scowl imaginable for someone whose face is basically a tomato at the moment, but it's only going to get worse.]

I-- [He nearly sputters] No? [He's a fingers boy, Archie. He's pure, considering. Pureish.] I never thought I'd have to-- that I'd... have to... worry about it........

[Look the last time they probably saw each other's dicks on the regular, they were either bathing or peeing in the same bathroom, and neither of them had hit puberty yet.]

[eyebrow raise.]

Yikes. Well, first you might wanna try not bein' such a baby about this kinda thing. Next, you wanna get a big ass dildo, cover it in lube and shove it up your ass, inch by inch.

[Whatever steam was building up in Blue's ears is practically erupting out cartoon-style now, and his next sputtered is shouted, probably loud enough to hear a yard or two away] I'M NOT BEING A BABY IT'S WAY BIGGER THAN I EVER--

[He stops, abruptly, sputters again, and hisses a loud scoff to the side. Breathe, Blue, breathe.] Great. Okay. Maybe Red'll--

[Something in Blue's expression shifts, then, but he immediately remembers Archie is there and shutters it fast.]

[Cue Red, passing through the back gate with a plate of cookies.]

...?

[archie waves cheerfully.]

Yo, Red! Me an' Blue are discussing human pants anatomy. You want in?

[Blue freezes, stares at Red in open-mouthed horror, then lunges at Archie to shake him by his collar.]

SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!

[Red waves to Archie and then--]

???

[What is wrong with you, bae? He's giving you a look and heading over. Want a cookie, Archie? He holds one out. They're vegan.]

[entirely unbothered by the twig trying to shake him, archie takes a cookie.]

Aw, thanks. You make them yourself?

[Being ignored is Blue's entire existence, nothing about this is new]

[But he's still going to hiss at you Archie, practically a stage whisper] Don't you even think about...

[He makes a choking sound, lets go of his collar finally, and turns to grab a cookie from Red.] ...Thanks, Reddy.

[Red nods at Archie, then continues to give Blue a look that seems to be a perfect mix of "what the Furret is going on with you?" and "Whatever, ya Buizel".

[Anyway, he gets a cheek smooch either way. And a cookie. But, they're vegan, so.]

Aww.

[he ahems.]

Anyway, we were doin' some Sex Ed. You want in, bro?

[At the cheek smooch he flushes, and Blue's eyes immediately dart towards Archie before the coo even comes from him, because he knows it's going to. The daggers are in his eyes before the next sentence makes it out.]

[But it doesn't help.] I said shut up! [He grabs Red by the shoulders, as if he means to usher him back out.] Don't say anything weird to him!!

[Red's face goes a little...well, red at that, but he eventually gives Archie a shrug (and continues ignoring Blue).]

[he looks at blue with raised eyebrows.]

This isn't weird. It's natural stuff, ya idiot. Safe, no less. Arceus no wonder it took so long...

[ahem.]

Ya'll know where to get the lube and condoms from, right?

[Still ineffectually trying to herd Red out of the yard (he takes another cookie, though).]

That's not the issue. [Blue says quickly and decisively as he turns to glare back at the man.]

[Don't worry, Archie. He's on top of that shit.]

Whatever, I got my answer, you can drop it now.

[Please. Please, Arceus above, drop it.]

[Well, now Red's face is probably turning purple. He stammers a bit, but it's silent (of course), then finally turns to Blue with a somewhat stunned expression.

[Just what exactly were you asking about, Oak?]

[he seriously considers just outright saying what blue was worried about but decides against it, just getting up and rolling his eyes.]

You two might wanna do some growin' up before you try anything serious.

[archie calls crobat over, ready to leave.]

Anythin' else?

Whatever. [Blue rolls his eyes, trying to ignore for the moment that Red is freaking out. He almost says 'this is why I wasn't gonna ask', but somehow thinks better of it.] No, nothing else. Arceus, like I'd ask now.

[He glances nervously to Red, finally, and then takes on an attempt at an innocent look.] --It was nothin'! I didn't... It was just stuff I didn't wanna bug you with....

[Which is not really a lie.]

[Red looks a little ashamed (embarrassed would probably be a better word, but lbr, he was already looking embarrassed) at Archie's irritated advice, so he averts his eyes from the both of them, nodding weakly. Then, he's glancing at Blue, shy and still a little shaken. He says quietly (very quietly):]

You can tell me.

[time to take his leave.

flying away on crobat:] HE THINKS YOUR DICK IS REALLY HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE

POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

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