halloflamer | POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

i hav 2 tell u smth

[...Nothing good started with a warning like that.]

I'll come over in a few if you want

i need 2 tell u here

[He knows he won't be able to talk about this out loud. If Blue were to show up to his house now, probably all he'd be able to do is cry.]

[Even worse]

What's wrong, Red?

[It takes him a long a time to respond - a long time of holding his communicator to his chest and trying to slap the tears away from his eyes with the other hand.]

mays gone

[Who knew that two simple words could be so hard to type?]

What do you mean gone??

[His reply came a few moments of confusion later. Red didn't mean... No, there's no way, this place was dangerous, but she had her Pokémon and--]

[No]

she went home
2 hoenn

[Unbeknownst to Red, Blue heaves a sigh of relief at this reply, but... It was still not news he wanted to hear. Dammit. They'd only really started getting to know her, a fellow Champ (and by all rights, within their generation of trainers), a powerful trainer and a friend despite the age difference--]

How?

[He was just lying to himself, though. People had talked about Port-outs before; he'd just been trying to ignore the nagging fear it raised in him. After a few minutes, he sends a second message.]

Maybe it's better

This place is scary

idk

[Port-outs - it's apparently something that happens pretty commonly around here. This isn't the first time that Red's heard of it either, but that doesn't make it any easier.]

may b

[He considers not saying anything else - he also considers mentioning to Blue that May leaving means that she won't remember them. But, surely he must already know that, right? He'd been here longer than Red. There's no use in bringing it up just to hurt him - especially if there's nothing they can do about it.

[He doesn't really want to stop talking about it, though. That, or maybe he just doesn't want to be left alone with it. After a moment, he adds a simple:]

im sad

You sure you don't want me to come over

[Red has been keeping him steady, the past few weeks, If there's anything he owes Red, it's to do the same.]

y

[That's a "yes, come over", but after a moment, Red realizes that that's probably confusing.]

pls come

[It takes a little bit, since he'd been away from home, but Blue arrives dutifully nonetheless, letting himself in to Red's house as he usually did after giving the Pokémon outside some sympathy pats as well. He wasn't sure how much Red had told them already, but he figures that perhaps his morose mood might have already clued them in, otherwise.]

[He shuffles in, uncharacteristically morose as he looks for the other boy.] Hey, Red...?

[As Red hears Blue enter the house, he begins desperately wiping at his eyes - they've taken on his namesake by now, nice and swollen. His nose is running too and he knows that it'll be obvious he's been crying - if he can even manage to stop crying in the first place, that is.

[He doesn't want Blue to see it. It's not that he's afraid he'll be taunted or teased - Blue wouldn't dare make light of this sort of thing. Maybe there is an element of pride coming into play here, though. Only days ago he had been the one holding Blue up. He wants to be strong for him now too - he wants to be strong in general.

[So, he tries his best to compose himself, but by the time he's crept out of his room, he's still sniffling, keeping his eyes to the ground with his hat casting a shadow over them, one arm gripping the opposite shoulder in a weak self-hug.

[He could probably use a real one.]

[Blue has never been good at comfort. After all, he was always the one who was putting on airs, who lied through his teeth about his own confidence and then shook in his boots when no one was looking. That much, Red knew well; but most of the time he didn't really have proper incentive in showing his true feelings, or in caring how his own affected others.]

[Except for this one case. He knows Red has been crying; he didn't even have to see him to know that. It wasn't that he'd never seen Red cry before, but in how long? ...Before he'd returned from Mt. Silver, certainly, although it was a toss up as to whether it was Blue that had made him cry or not. But that's just one more reason he owes this; he knows what it means to Red to have had another trainer that he got along well with. Another person.]

[He's not going to say anything. For once, the mouth was checked at the door, and he drags his feet up to Red unsurely, not knowing what he wanted- if to touch him was too presumptuous, his own feelings leaking through as much as he tried to ignore the pain of seeing Red like this- but eventually, his arms wraps around Red's, pulling him close with his chin on his shoulder.]

[He won't look at how red his eyes are, he doesn't want him to be self-conscious; his own avert to some spot in the room as he hugs tight. He's trying, this comfort thing, but his hug has a bit of distance to it.]

[Red closes that distance eagerly - he doesn't even have to think about it, really. By the time Blue's arms are around him, he's already moving, his own arms curving around the other man's shoulders and gripping tightly at his shirt. After that, it's impossible to keep back the waterfall of emotion that he's been trying so desperately to control.

[It's not just May. It's his team, it's his mom, it's his home and his life. It's broken windows and spray-painted walls and kidnapped rabbits and good guys and bad guys, heroes and villains and everything that goes with them. It's this place, it's this overwhelming feeling of misplacement and ostracization, of loneliness and longing and Blue's words echoing over and over again in his head - "Aren't you ever scared?"

[It's fear. Fear that this world is capable of things that they couldn't have even imagined in their own. It's more than a fear of speaking or a fear of being rejected - it's real fear. It's the fear that one day Red might wake up and get a message like the one he just sent to Blue, but this time it will be telling him that his best friend is gone and that he has to do this by himself.

[And finally, standing there in his living room with his arms in a death grip around his rival's body, he just loses it, his body wracked with sobs while he clings. He hasn't cried like this in years and certainly not in front of Blue. But it's all he can do for the moment. It's uncontrollable and overwhelming, the sensation that anchoring himself to Blue is the only thing that will keep him from crumbling into a pile on the floor.

[So, he isn't letting go any time soon.]

[The same words- his same reckless, callous words- are echoing through his own head, and he's biting his lip, regretting ever letting them leave his mouth. Another one to add to the pile, really; where did his regrets ever stop piling up?]

[A breath sucks up and shudders in his chest but he grips Red closer, tighter, feeling the silent sobs that ran through him. It was worse somehow that Red couldn't even let himself make those sounds, couldn't let his grief out in his voice, communicate it. Not that Blue didn't get it loud and clear, but it must be trapping regardless. He knew Red always had such anxiety about expressing himself. The last thing he would ever do is expect him to express his grief in a certain way.]

[They were, the both of them, lost and scared boys, out of their depth by miles in this place where people wanted to fight over their right to even be there. Everyone from their world was out of depth, but while Archie had at least seen the terrors of mucking with legendary Pokémon and Nikolai had been raised by the man who oversaw the torture and killing of Pokémon for gain, they were just two boys from a sleepy coastal town who'd dreamed big and made names for themselves along the way. The troubles they'd had, it was just between the two of them; no outside parties seeking to harm them, no ideological battles for them to ponder. Just their friendship and their childhood memories and the jealousies and insecurities that had fueled and broken them along the way.]

[They only had each other. And, Blue thinks, that's how it should have been, from the start; but he'd had a long time to sit on that regret, and in Alola they were together now, and here they were together. Coexisting, anyway; perhaps not together in the way Blue always longed for them to be, but in the way that he deserved, and the way that he would be forevermore, or at least until Red tired of him again.]

[He would be here.]

[He would be here until he wasn't, anyway - but Red tries not to think about that right now. Instead, he just lets himself cling and lets himself cry, letting Blue hold him up while the world falls down around him. It's a strange sensation - perhaps the role that Red had always wished for Blue to play, but had they ever really been in this sort of situation before? In the past, hadn't it been Blue who had caused Red to crumble in the first place?

[He doesn't dwell on it. In fact, his mind is relatively blank as they sway there in his living room, his hands still gripping at Blue's back, his face still buried in his shoulder. It takes him a while, but eventually the older man's sobbing subsides into nothing more than a few weak hiccups.

[He's still holding on, and there's something in his chest, toying at the tip of his tongue and prying at his lips - something he wants to say but can't. It's not an unfamiliar feeling for Red, but this is - this comfort, this peace, this warmth from the man he--

[No. He can't say that now. Blue would never understand what he meant, what he didn't mean-- What he pretended not to mean. Whatever words might have been repeating in his head, Red chokes them back and clears his throat instead, finally lifting his head from Blue's shoulder and instead muttering a soft, broken:]

Thank you...

[Blue stands there in silence, for once, just letting Red get out what he needed to. It wasn't like he'd expect Red to want to say anything about it; so there was nothing for him to say, either. He knew what the heaviness in his heart was- he knew every aspect of it the same as he knew Red himself. For all the loneliness Blue might have felt, he knew it couldn't be compared to Red's.]

[His initial awkward grip eventually had softened into something loose but tender, hands curled around Red's triceps and keeping him close, just the pads of his fingers gently pressing against his skin. His nose tucked against Red's neck, breathing him in, feeling the puffs of moisture against his own as the sobs ran down in near-silence. The only sounds for a long time were those of Red's short, shuddering breaths, so Blue was almost a little startled when he hears a choked swallow, and suddenly Red pulls back. He can see his eyes swollen and red beneath the brim of his everpresent cap, sees his throat bob as he swallows his words down and clears them away, and wonders what thoughts were going through his head in this expression he couldn't quite decipher.]

Mmn... [He murmurs in response to the thanks, one hand flinching against Red's arm as he physically represses the urge to reach up and brush his face, then flushes at the realization and looks away, letting his hands drop to his sides.] ...Just repayin' the favor.

[He feels himself coil internally then, awkward and unsure of how the moment would proceed.]

[Red replaces Blue's embrace with another tight self-hug. They're both feeling awkward now, Red can tell. Of course, after that whole episode he's just had, how can't they? Naturally, he feels a little self-conscious about the whole thing, clearing his throat and keeping his eyes on anything but Blue.]

You okay...?

[What comes out is barely a mumble - even Red isn't sure if Blue will hear it. But he knows that this has to be hard on him too. Red had gotten to cry. Maybe Blue needed to talk about it too. They could just stand there "repaying favors" all day if that's what Blue wanted.]

[Blue glances at Red, at the way he held himself like he always held himself back, and suddenly feels a pang of irritation.] What're you askin' me for? You're the one that was just crying. [He huffs- he doesn't mean it in an accusatory way, or to mock or embarrass him-- but he was always... He was always thinking of other people, ignoring his own safety, his own health. If only he'd just ask for help--]

[Blue bites his lip, pushing those thoughts away, too. No, it wasn't his fault. None of this... It was because he'd always pushed him down. It was irritation at himself. What else could he expect after all these years? Blue finally just shakes his head.] ...'m fine. Better than-- I was the other day.

[Not really. But he didn't want to make Red worry any more than he was. All he wanted right now was for Red to not have such a sad look on his face anymore- the face that he usually put there. He stops himself from stepping forward and holding him again, unsure of what else he would do if he tried.]

...You wanna grab something? Ice cream or pizza or something?

[Red flinches at Blue's tone - actually flinches, but it's only for a split second. His rival's words do serve to keep Red's eyes glued to the ground, though, and he shrugs awkwardly, gripping himself a little tighter.

[So, maybe he's feeling more than just a little self-conscious, here. Vulnerable is probably a more appropriate word. But he'll get over it. Blue probably just doesn't want to talk about how he's feeling anyway, so who's Red to make him.

[He manages to glance back up at him after a moment, straightening where he stands and dropping both arms to his side, trying to look a little more put together. And he nods.]

Okay.

[He notices- and he glances away, trying to hide the flash of uncomfortable regret. Great. So much for cheering him up.]

[But he's here, and Red asked for him to come, so he should stay, instead of making some half-assed excuse to ditch because he was terrible at being a good friend, once again. So he forces a grin, and gives Red a little macho pat on the side of the arm.]

Okay. Let's get our stuff and go into town.

POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

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