halloflamer | POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

[He sees that blink of emotion, and his brows knit together, jaw tightening again with-- guilt? He looks away quickly too, hating the sensation, but he's well used to it. More than used to it.]

[Here they were again, going in their clumsy circles of hurting each other again. It was so ...stupid.]

[He thinks about the second statement, but when he opens his mouth, he isn't thinking about Archie's actions anymore.] --I did too. Every day. Every single day, after I lost. It started out like that... trying to understand what I did wrong. What I'd been missing all that time.

[Frolick this. If Archie won't talk about it, he will.]

But by the end it was. --Self-flagellation, I mean. That's all it was... going in circles over and over again because none of the changes I was making were doing ...anything. For me. Deep down.

[He anxiously works his fingers over the handle of the coffee mug, the same way he'd done to the blanket that night.] It was too late already, by then.... I thought. It was too late for me.

After you had to be pulled back from Kyogre, isn't that how you felt?

[it's clumsy and unrefined, but archie knows what he did, exactly. at the very least, he's not grasping at straws. he know how he's hurt blue and what he did to do it. he never had any delusions about what he did for very long. just like kyogre; it needed to go to the extreme.

archie's own mug stays abandoned on the side of the counter as he crosses his arms, listening, trying to think.]

...Yeah. [he admits. it goes a little deeper than that - as he expects it does for blue, too - but after he'd hurt so many people that had considered him a friend and leader... archie was never sure if his amendments would just end up as lip service. he knows he'll never be forgiven for what he did - shelly had said as much - but that didn't stop him from wanting to try. at the same time, he knew the only thing stopping him from really fixing himself was... well, himself.] Do you think... it's possible to ever stop spinning?

[he doesn't. it's an honest question devoid of all the confidence archie's had in either of their recoveries that's been there before. mabye being with red has slowed blue down a bit, but like it is with anyone, the true recovery lies with blue, not his relationship with anyone else. even if archie, uh, fucked it up and knocked it back a lot.]

[Blue stares into nothing, and although his response doesn't come quickly, he knows the answer right away.]

No. [He mumbles, casual for how hopeless it is, but it isn't a new or big revelation for him. It would be nice to be able to feel like there was something else down the road, but the truth was he just didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel for him- not in this regard. It felt worse, knowing Red tried so hard for him, to help him see hope and knowing he felt like it was all in vain.] But what do I know.

More than anyone, about you.

[it's not new to either of them. archie tries his best, blue tries his, but... maybe they just reached a point where nothing will help? that they believe, at least. if blue doesn't feel like red will and archie feels like maxie and matt being around wouldn't actually make much difference for him.

this is something archie buries deep down. he'll be quietly convinced that's he's a lost cause but hold out hope for blue. he needs something.

which... makes him throwing a spanner into it all the more fucked up, right? this is also nowhere near a surprise to him.]

I'm sorry, [he says, again.] I doubt I have any concept of how badly I set you off even worse.

[Blue bites his lip. He doesn't know about that... When it came to Red, sometimes it seemed like the other boy knew better about his tendencies than he did himself. Could see more clearly at least, cut through his bullshit. Whether it helped any... that was another matter.]

[Mouth tightening at Archie's apology, he scoffs, bitter.] Don't give yourself too much credit. [He frowns though, and regrets putting it like that... right now anyway. They always went in these circles. How much was apology, how much was seeking forgiveness... He just drops it, shaking his head.] No...... forget it, I-- it's over with. I doubt I'd be much better off anyway, even if you hadn't...

[His jaw wobbles again, and he covers his face with his hands. His faults... they were his own. He would never be rid of them, either way.]

[All it took was being a kid again to realize that. He hadn't really changed at all.]

[the answer here, for archie, is easy. he says nothing at all-- he knows that nothing he could say here would be of any benefit to either of them. at this point it would just be dragging this uncomfortable experience out and - in archie's head at least - he would risk falling into a pitfall of his own making and hurting blue again.

he doesn't let the silence hang for long, though. he reaches out carefully-- VERY carefully, and not with That Hand for blue's upper arm, carefully pulling him into a hug. one that isn't tight-- it's clear he's keeping it loose in case blue wants to duck out for any reason. after a moment or two he feels a little confident enough to rest his chin on blue's shoulder. hope that beard doesn't tickle too much.]

I'm sorry, [he says again, and it sounds like now blue doesn't have a full view of his face he's actually letting more of the emotion through. stupid crybaby is likely crying a little.] I--

[he stops himself. closes his eyes so he doesn't stare a damn hole into the counter behind him.]

I love you. [he gets out eventually, quietly, even though it feels wrong to say it. ironic how blue had felt undeserving of anyone else's love; archie feels like he doesn't deserve blue. maybe he doesn't, but... it's something he wants to say. something without a fucking nuke bearing down on them.]

[For once, Blue doesn't fight. The hand reaching towards him is seen, and watched, and allowed to make contact as it does, and then he's pulled against Archie's dumb, beefy shoulder.]

[It hardly takes him a moment to sink into it, bury his face into Archie and sniffle, then crack out the first sob. The first time had been-- there had been so much on their minds then, too many feelings and panic, he couldn't feel it for what it was. But now, after the last week, after the months gone by, Blue can finally, quietly accept the love and care for what it was. And he needed it- wanted it so desperately.]

[He had said it then, even though he didn't know Archie could hear him. Archie was like family to him, the parental figure he hadn't had in longer than he could remember, even if it was belated- they were both terrible, both the same. He understood, even if he didn't show it the right ways. If he didn't say anything, Blue thought, it would be nice if they could just stay like this for a little bit.]

[he stays there as long as blue needs. holding him in a way that doesn't seem like he's waiting for him to finish or that he's uncomfortable, just that it can continue as long as blue needs.

extremely fortunately, he also doesn't say anything. just shifts to lightly rub blue's back after a few minutes.

burp it all out, baby. (thinks the guy who is also silently crying)]

POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

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