halloflamer | POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

[But Red seems happy. Those words cut through Blue more than anything else, and his hands grip the edge of the kitchen counter.]

[No one knew. No one knew, and that's why they could look at them this way. Like it was simply a matter of Blue running away for no reason. Like they were simply old friends who became more. But that wasn't it at all.]

I'm not the one who ran away. [He finally admits. It's been a week of accusations since he returned, of being demanded answers of. But no one really understood what had actually happened.] I'm not the one who ran away back then.

I-I drove him away. It was me, I... [There's a harsh breath, a choked back emotion. Maxie was certainly not the one to expect to have answers for all of this, but Blue found he was the first person he felt like admitting it to.] I...never meant to hurt him...

["Rivals" was a word that was tossed around a lot, back then; and even now. But they had never been just "rivals".]

[again, not really expecting this. he probably should have realized there was something with what happened during the memory week but he had just assumed the memories had done something strange that was now resolved. red certainly didn't seem upset by what happened, or they worked it out, or something.

at least he assumes that's what 'ran away' meant.] You're... talking about when you were gone before, aren't you?

[he frowns, dissects what blue was saying, then-] ... Red was the one who left. [he was still confused by what they were even talking about but that did sound somewhat like it. he hesitates, unsure.] But you did hurt him, I take it. And then... whatever happened after he seems to have forgiven you, hasn't he?

[Maxie never asked for this backstory dump, but he sure is getting it. Blue's arched over the counter now, elbows propped on the granite, face in his hands. He nods slowly to Maxie's assumption, and releases a shaky, heavy sigh.]

Red'd forgive anyone for anything. [He mumbles sullenly.] Even if he's forgiven me, I keep... I keep doing things like this...

Archie's right. I haven't become a better person at all. [He's not going to say it outright, but he figures if anyone would understand that feeling, it's the guys that almost ended the world.]

[maxie nods to this information, frankly both a little surprised and not surprised at all. the surprise was mostly that this conversation went this way at all, people didn't usually turn to maxie to talk about emotional shit. the lack of surprise though, that was at the fact blue was carrying all this on his shoulders despite how he acted.

he sighs.] Well, forgiveness is his choice. He clearly sees your intentions for what they are, even if you make mistakes. There is nothing wrong with doing that, as much as I loath to say so- making mistakes, that is. Especially when you're young.

Archie said that? [he is surprised and annoyed. archie!! he waves the thought aside, it wasn't his place and he didn't know the context. a smart move for once, brought surprisingly by maxie??] That's funny, because Archie has told me several times being able to recognize your mistakes and feel remorse for their fallout is exactly what a good person does as they try to get better.

I don't know the whole story, Blue, but it's a process, one you go through your whole life. It's hard to see how much progress you've made looking back.

[Blue's mouth sets in a line. He knew it was Red's decision to make, and it wasn't that he didn't think Red could make that decision for himself, and yet... He couldn't stop thinking that it had been the wrong one. That he wasn't worth his forgiveness, or his love.]

[He couldn't stop thinking that he wasn't worth much at all. But that was something he had struggled not to show for so long now that he didn't know how to act any other way.]

--He said... [Blue starts, then huffs. It wasn't exactly easy to say, even if he figured it was true, deep down.] ...that I keep running away and making excuses... But that's basically the same thing, isn't it?

[Red had said that, that they'd work through this together. But Red wasn't the one that kept screwing up over and over.]

[maxie's quiet for a beat, thinking deeply, and then-]

Do you trust Red? More than you are able to trust yourself right now?

[Blue hesitates, again considering that Red was fully capable of making that decision- he was a grown man, and had always been the braver, the more mature of the two besides. Really, the main factor in this, besides that they had known each other since either of them could remember, was simply that he was too kind of a person.]

[Still, he sighs and nods, head sinking between his shoulders. What choice did he have?]

I know it is difficult but in times like this you must trust what he thinks and knows of you. You're biased about yourself and always shall be. Perhaps he is too but he will want what's best for you, which... often we do not do for ourselves.

[emotionsss dear god. he sighs] He's a good judge of character and I stand by what I said. I truly believe you make him happy.

[Blue sits there for a long few moments, chin resting on crossed arms, and appears to just think, absorbing what Maxie says. Trusting in Red wasn't hard, but feeling like he was taking advantage of him somehow, like he should know better and not impose on him, merely by existing- that was the difficult part.]

[That Blue didn't necessarily want what was best for himself.... well, that he supposed he had to accept as true. It was just that he deserved it, in his mind.]

[He questions, a little, Red's judge of character but then again... he didn't really have proof of that. He just worried that someday, Red's kindness would be his downfall.]

[He nods slowly, wordlessly at Maxie's advice, and stares down at the counter for another moment.]

....Thanks. [He mumbles against his arms, finally; for listening, for letting him dump the things he'd kept inside from everyone. He still wasn't quite sure why he'd decided to tell him, but maybe it was all just eating him up a little too much inside.] --You're not gonna tell anyone, right?

[maxie huffs. god. he's also a little shocked he didn't fuck up somehow. he wasn't usually good at this.] Of course not. I'll tell Archie I told you about my Rocket history but otherwise I do know this is private.

[yeah god?? he's only 90% hopeless??] But... you're welcome.

[Blue gives a quiet little puff of a sigh. Okay, well... he just hoped he could trust when Maxie said he wouldn't tell. Clearly, Archie couldn't be trusted not to run his mouth.]

[Sullenly, he gestures at the kitchen around him.] ...Well, I'm gonna... go back to making lunch for my team I guess. So, um.

Later.

[He gives a half-hearted (but still cooler) wave of a salute, and switches off the feed.]

POKEGEAR (MoM IC Contact)

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