[it's not the response archie expected-- and that's clear in his expression, but what did he expect? he's not sure. maybe something involving arcanine or eevee reacting violently to him again. he could hardly blame them; once again he's cornered blue into this situation, though archie hopes that he's not blinded by his own pathetic excuses this time. maybe he is. he hasn't planned this, which only serves to worsen his anxiety. he doesn't know if he should've, but isn't overthinking what caused all the problems to begin with? it feels like no matter which way he turns with this he'll end up in a pitfall of his own making.
he doesn't start talking right away, instead dropping his gaze down to his coffee mug. it's probably clear there's a level of discomfort he's feeling that... it would never rival what blue feels, but it's in the same vein, at the very least. his brain keeps going back to the same thing over and over: if you hurt him again, give up. stop trying. leave them. neither of them deserve you pulling them down like this. it's easy for him to spiral, so he takes a gulp of coffee to bring him back to reality.]
I still don't understand why you and Red came here, [he starts, trying to pick his words carefully.] and I think maybe I probably won't be able to, on some level.
[for blue, specifically. after all he'd said about being afraid of people leaving him, thinking he doesn't deserve the love of his own family because he's not good enough... none of that is anything archie can understand and he's learned well enough not to make assumptions.]
I mean, I get you wanted to help, but after everything I said and did to you... After Maxie was Ported out, [he has to keep on, despite not knowing what he wants to say. he said he'd realised something, but can't even fucking put it into words. this was a mistake.] I was stupid enough to think maybe when you were intent on staying that maybe you just didn't understand, but I know now that was entirely wrong. Ever thinking you didn't understand was wrong. It was nothing else than me simply thinking of myself and not thinking about you, or how my own actions could affect you. There's no excuse for it.
[...]
Just... sorry. For what it's worth. I wanted to say it again properly, not that ridiculous bunch of excuses I gave you last time. There's so much I wish I hadn't done, so much I know I'll never be able to make up to you for, especially after-- [the relic, goes unspoken. archie closes his eyes for a moment, exhales.] I don't deserve any of the help you've given me, even in the form of just staying around when I had no-one else, but I wanted to tell you I'm grateful for it. With what I said to you and hurt you, with everything I made worse...
[he trails off, sighs again.]
Just, fuck. Sorry. It's not enough but sorry. I hate I needed such a dramatic perspective to fuckin'-- even pull my head an inch further out my ass.
[...one last thing.]
I wasn't scared of you. I was scared of you not remembering. It felt too much like getting a free pass for everything. The same way being brought here felt, but at least I'm still fortunate enough to be able to talk to you about it. ...Even that's selfish of me.
no subject
he doesn't start talking right away, instead dropping his gaze down to his coffee mug. it's probably clear there's a level of discomfort he's feeling that... it would never rival what blue feels, but it's in the same vein, at the very least. his brain keeps going back to the same thing over and over: if you hurt him again, give up. stop trying. leave them. neither of them deserve you pulling them down like this. it's easy for him to spiral, so he takes a gulp of coffee to bring him back to reality.]
I still don't understand why you and Red came here, [he starts, trying to pick his words carefully.] and I think maybe I probably won't be able to, on some level.
[for blue, specifically. after all he'd said about being afraid of people leaving him, thinking he doesn't deserve the love of his own family because he's not good enough... none of that is anything archie can understand and he's learned well enough not to make assumptions.]
I mean, I get you wanted to help, but after everything I said and did to you... After Maxie was Ported out, [he has to keep on, despite not knowing what he wants to say. he said he'd realised something, but can't even fucking put it into words. this was a mistake.] I was stupid enough to think maybe when you were intent on staying that maybe you just didn't understand, but I know now that was entirely wrong. Ever thinking you didn't understand was wrong. It was nothing else than me simply thinking of myself and not thinking about you, or how my own actions could affect you. There's no excuse for it.
[...]
Just... sorry. For what it's worth. I wanted to say it again properly, not that ridiculous bunch of excuses I gave you last time. There's so much I wish I hadn't done, so much I know I'll never be able to make up to you for, especially after-- [the relic, goes unspoken. archie closes his eyes for a moment, exhales.] I don't deserve any of the help you've given me, even in the form of just staying around when I had no-one else, but I wanted to tell you I'm grateful for it. With what I said to you and hurt you, with everything I made worse...
[he trails off, sighs again.]
Just, fuck. Sorry. It's not enough but sorry. I hate I needed such a dramatic perspective to fuckin'-- even pull my head an inch further out my ass.
[...one last thing.]
I wasn't scared of you. I was scared of you not remembering. It felt too much like getting a free pass for everything. The same way being brought here felt, but at least I'm still fortunate enough to be able to talk to you about it. ...Even that's selfish of me.